my mama + eternal life

when i was younger i had some serious ocd issues.  i would like to contribute about 90% of these issues to having two older brothers.  i had major skin rashes on my hands because one of my brothers ( i wont name names) told me i'd get worms if i was near the family dog and didn't wash my hands before i put my hands anywhere near my face.  so i washed them obsessively until my hands were raw.

i was told a few times i was adopted.  i thankfully never believed that.

i had a night time routine that included checking under the bed, in the closet, and leaving all of the lights in the room on...why?  because my brothers hid under the bed, in the closet, and on the roof outside my window (who does that?) to scare their little sister.  

all that to say, i had a few ocd...slash several ocd behaviors.

one of my biggest "things" was my complete attachment to my mom.  it wasn't anything she did, it was me.  i wanted to be with her.  actually, i was a helicopter daughter...if you've ever heard of that :)

mom is the director of a preschool, and so every year she had to go to a seminar series in Greensboro with all of her teachers.  she had to stay one night over night....and well that wasn't ok. I would stress about this beginning in January (or earlier), and the series was in september.  you would have thought she was going off to war and would be in the barracks of afghanistan for a year.  she eventually had to give up her trip :).

i also constantly worried that something would happen to mom.  like unhealthy worry.  so this is where the good part of the story is.

my family has always been a family of faith.  a faith in Jesus Christ.  a faith in Heaven for all believers in Christ.  praise God for that...i'd be a solid mess right now if I wasn't raised in the faith.

so after probably the 100th time of me telling mom i was worried she was going to die, mom decided to put my mind at rest.  how did she do this?  simple, tell me about eternal life.

mom was biblical i'm sure, and told me about "eternal life," and how God could give that to us if we prayed.  there was probably more to the story than that, but that's what i grasped.  

suddenly, peace for my young brain.  i no longer had to worry about mom, because all i had to do was pray for her to have eternal life.  yep, you see where this is going.  i didn't worry anymore, because i prayed my heart out all day long (seriously, several times a day for years) that mom would have eternal life.  i knew it was a gift that God gave us.  and i knew I was going to pray for mom to get this awesome gift so she'd just live forever.  it was great.  mom, living for ever, like tuck everlasting.  that's what i was praying for.

somewhere in all of this i missed the small part that yes as Christians we do have eternal life, but part of that life took place in heaven :).  ahh, i know this now but i'm so glad i didn't then.  i know God must've smiled when i prayed for this so often...and i am blessed that my heart was guarded. 

we're a pair really.  she gets me.  she gets that i am just flat out in a bad mood sometimes, and i just need to let it roll out.  she gets that when i'm upset there's probably a good reason to be.  she lets me just be.  whatever that is, i can be that.  if it's hyper i'm that.  if it's dancing around the house and singing that's fine too.  if it's crying she's there to listen.  if it's frustration i can let it all out - it wont change a thing about her love for me.  she's a huge blessing...and i am thankful that she has eternal life ahead, and because of her so do i.